About two weeks ago, as I was unpacking my stuff and putting it all in the proper places in my new room, I found a journal entry from my freshman year. I was amazed at how confident I was then- how I knew what I wanted and what I was and was not willing to sacrifice to get it all. I found myself wondering where that girl went.

It’s not that I feel I’ve lost confidence, I just think the world is changing on me and I’m not sure how to handle it all. When I was in high school, everything was so black and white for me, and I knew exactly why I was doing what I was doing and how I felt about it. I had all the answers and the faith to stand up for them.

Now life just seems so grey. I suppose that’s what college is for, and my psychology classes tell me that I’m just progressing normally from concrete operations to formal thinking, but I miss that girl that knew who she was. I miss being able to evaluate a situation, to know right from wrong, and have the courage to act accordingly. I don’t feel like I’m growing up- I just feel so much more confused.

But I guess that’s what growing up is- sifting through all of the confusion to find what matters the most in life. I’ve learned a lot of really important lessons in the last two years; lessons that Freshman would have had an opinion about, but it probably wouldn’t have been the right one. That said, I guess I’m just having a hard time convincing myself that I really am a better person than I was two years ago.