No, not yet.

Chris and Ali got engaged last weekend. I couldn’t be more proud of Christopher James. He’s been dealing with family issues of his own the last two years, and I’m so glad that they haven’t had an effect on how he feels about Ali and their future together.

I don’t feel ready for this stage in life at all. It was weird enough for my sister to get married two years ago, and she was 25 at the time. Now people my very own age are getting married soon, and won’t be considered abnormal for doing so. I’m getting ready for my senior year of college- which means I’m one year away from the real world, and I’m so not ready for it.

I was laying in bed the other night, unable to sleep because of this, and I realized that I feel this way mostly because for as long as I can remember I’ve been looking forward to the future and what it has to offer me. Now that time is here, and I don’t have a plan for it, and I’m not sure that it’s going to be everything I’ve wanted it to be. For so long I’ve been looking forward to being an adult and making my own decisions about my life- independent of anyone else. I’m a year away and terrified. I have no idea what I’m going to do after graduation, or where I want to live, or if I’ll even be happy, or alone, or excited… looking into the unknown scares me, a lot. That’s exactly what is staring back at me- a whole lot of emptiness.